Every time I read a new book, its like forming a relationship and connection with an old friend. I internalise the words and make it part of my life. I share the highs and lows of the content and ride the rollercoaster of emotions all with the end goal of changing, improving and growing as a person. No book has ever shaken me to the core to the extent of The Awakened Family by Dr Shefali. I am a huge fan and have read her earlier book, The Conscious Parent. There was something about the messages in this book that touched me in a place that I had long disconnected from and as a result old wounds opened and healing began.
Often people assume that because I am a counsellor and help other parents with their relationship issues with their kids or how to resolve problems, that I will never mess up with my own kids. Being human makes me fallible and I want to share my recent learning experience.
I have a book on my Kindle, ‘Liking the Child You Love’ by Jeffrey Bernstein I am dying to read as this topic is an important one to explain to parents when trying to help them bridge the canyon of disconnect between them and their child.
Parents often carelessly say that they love their child but don’t like them. This is extremely hurtful and gut wrenching for a child to hear. Love is not a tangible, measurable entity but like or dislike is often something easily detected. Saying ‘I love you!’ often, but it is evident that you don’t like your child will cause them to feel unloved.
How many of us check our Facebook updates all the time or Instagram to see who likes our photos or the moment somebody makes a comment, we are dying to see what they say so we can respond back?
I became aware of this problem when my daughter deleted a photo of her herself on Instagram because it didn’t get enough likes within the first hour of posting it. After that I started monitoring my own behaviour on social media, I realised that I had the same tendency to always complain about the number of likes or the lack of comments when I posted things either on my personal page or on my professional page. Did I model it to her? This was troubling! (more…)
It’s been 2 weeks since my last post and the perfectionist in me caused me to question, delay and abandon my attempts at writing a post. When I saw this post by Sandra Fazio, I knew it was meant to be.
A recurring theme in my adult clients struggling to emotionally connect with their children is the struggle between the inner child and adult self. We all have within us the child we once were, with all the joys and sorrows we endured. Most of us fondly recall the happy memories but block the painful ones thinking we are no longer affected or influenced by it. We are dead wrong as the more you block it, the more power you give it and unconsciously influences your life. So, when you come across a behaviour in your child that is causing these blocked memories to resurface instead of getting angry at the child, pause and look within yourself as to what the significance is to you and your childhood. (more…)
So many parents feel guilty because they are unable to connect with their children on a heart to heart level, which is deeply spiritual, emotional and psychological. What they need to realize is that it’s not naturally occurring and that they themselves needed to have experienced it in their own childhood.
You can’t fake it, so don’t try to fool yourself, as your children can see through the pretense. Being authentic, genuine and true to yourself takes intense courage. So what now, you must be thinking if you didn’t have this wonderful childhood experience.
From The Awakened Family by Dr Shefali
Myth # 7 : Parents Need to Be in Control Pg 109
“The only control we have, as parents, involves our own feelings and reactions, together with the conditions we set in our home. Our problem is that we don’t know how to control ourselves or the conditions we create in our home, which steers us in the direction of controlling our children instead. (more…)
It’s My Body Mommy
By Shenaaz Moos – Happy Confident Me Counselling & Workshops
It’s my body mommy!
I’ve been wanting post this for the last few months about my 9 year old son’s issue with clothing, food, and just generally wanting to do his own thing. It’s difficult for a perfectionist or should I say recovering perfectionist mom to let go and let her children make their own choices especially when it comes to the health, hygiene and general well being. I’m learning slowly one day at a time to let the apron strings go, to loosen the umbilical cord and simply just let them be in their own space and to find their own way. (more…)