Why Do Some Marriages Work?

  Shenaaz Moos   Sep 15, 2017   Authenticity, Family, Whole Hearted Living   0 Comment

To celebrate my 21st wedding Anniversary, I decided to write a blog and share some insights I have gained over two decades as a wife. This year, I started to see couples in my practice for marriage counselling and the past few months have really made me value and appreciate my own marriage even more.

 

My take away has been :

The 5 NEVER’S

  1. Never lose yourself in your marriage, maintain your sense of self.
  2. Never put your spouse’s needs above your own, find balance.
  3. Never talk about or complain about your partners to other people.
  4. Never insult or degrade your partner in front of your children or others.
  5. Never allow others to insult your partner, always have their back.

 

 

 

8  WAYS TO LIVE A CONSCIOUS MARRIAGE :

  1. If you came with a void, a hole in your soul, your partner cannot fill it.
  2. Each person is influenced by how they were raised, do not judge or criticise it, just find a new better way to raise your own children.
  3. Your way is not the only way, or the perfect way, see the other person’s perspective.
  4. Work on communicating your needs and wants in a respectful way.
  5. Respect each other’s privacy and allow them the space to have their own interests and friends.
  6. Always keep your own Spirituality at its highest level but do not judge your spouse if they don’t, instead inspire them with your devotion.
  7. Marriage is not one dimensional or stagnant, it evolves and grows as you shift through life’s stages so be prepared to grow individually and as a couple.
  8. Be kind always in your words, gestures and be forgiving of each others failures always.

 

 

This article by Monica Swanson inspired me to write this blog, I hope its helps you understand why some marriages work and ways you can strengthen yours. 

7 Attitudes that Will Sabotage Your Marriage, and 7 to Replace Them.

by Monica Swanson

1.  Bad attitude:  Pride.  

No matter how flawed your spouse may be, so are you.  The minute you start thinking that you are better than your spouse, you are headed for trouble.  I think we all agree:  Pride is ugly.

Trade it in for:  Humility.  

An honest evaluation of you and your spouse will remedy pride.  You are both imperfect humans, loved by God, with all of the potential in the world.  Look for opportunities to build up your spouse, and walk in humility, and you’ll find yourself a lot happier in your marriage.

PS  Other people will like you better too.

2.  Bad attitude: Ungratefulness.  

Focusing on what your spouse does not do, and overlooking all that he or she is doing well, is dangerous.  Everyone wants to be appreciated, and an ungrateful attitude leaves a stench in the air.

Trade it in for:  Gratitude.  

Counting your blessings and appreciating everything your spouse does do, is a key to a happy marriage.  A spouse that feels appreciated will usually bend over backwards to keep pleasing you.  Be thankful for the big and the small things, and take time to tell your husband or wife how thankful you are.

{Speaking well of your spouse to others= big bonus points.}

3.  Bad attitude:  Irritation/annoyance.  

Anyone we spend a lot of time with will eventually annoy us.   Spouses will wear on one another.   But really, it is our choice whether or not we let it get to us.  We can choose to be irritated, or not.  And really:  Allowing yourself to be annoyed is a sign of your own immaturity.

Trade it in for:  Enjoyment/acceptance.

Learn to laugh at the things that could annoy you. Try to enjoy the quirks and nuances that you see in your spouse.  And for the ones that you cannot enjoy–learn to accept them, or just overlook them.  (I bet you have a few of your own…)

4.  Bad attitude:  Unforgiveness.

Keeping a record of wrongs…holding on to grudges…None of it will do you a bit of good.  There may be hurts in your marriage that take time to work through, but holding on to an offense is a choice you make.   I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, but it is true:  Unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die.

Trade it in for:  Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is choosing not to hold anything against your spouse.   This may not remove all of the hurt or the memories, but it means you will not bring it up, or hold it against your spouse anymore.  Forgiveness is a choice that will set you free and allow you to move on in your relationship.

5.  Bad attitude:  The Comparison Trap.

Do not give into the temptation to compare your spouse to someone else, or your marriage to other marriages.  You don’t know the full story of anyone else’s situation, and you are likely to be deceived.  The comparison trap is a huge temptation, but it can be very harmful on your marriage.

Trade it in for:  Embracing What You Have.

Recognize that this is the one person that you get to share the rest of your life with, and embrace what you have.  The more you build up your spouse, the more likely they are to grow into something even greater.   Identify yourself with your husband or wife, and focus on the beauty of your uniqueness as a couple.

6.  Bad attitude:  A critical Spirit.

If you are habitually critical of your spouse you are slowly tearing down your own marriage.  If you’ve seen other people do this, you know how unattractive it is.  So make the choice not to be critical.

Trade it in for:  Looking for the good.

Look for the good in your spouse.  Choose to find things to compliment, build up, appreciate,  and magnify.  There is good there if you are looking for it.  This one shift in attitude can work wonders in a marriage.

7  Bad attitude:  Selfishness.

This is the root of most of our problems, and one we probably all struggle with.  Over time, we can all try to make a marriage all about our needs/wants/hopes/dreams.  It’s not all about you.

Trade it in for:  Selflessness.

Try putting your spouse’s needs before your own.  Serve your spouse with a sincere heart, and care about the things that concern him or her.  This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, or neglect your own needs, but instead try to look for ways to bless your husband or wife with a secure and happy heart.  It’s pretty amazing how when you consider  your spouse first, you usually find yourself more fulfilled as well.  This is the beauty of marriage.

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