Last week Tuesday 15 October 2019, I made my third appearance on the vibrant and dynamic Expresso Show on SABC3. Our topic this time was my one of favourite’s The Five Languages by Gary Chapman. We discussed what the languages are and how to speak them. We also mentioned how easily we can lose opportunities […]
The Five Love Languages Workshop Presented by Shenaaz Moos, Registered Counsellor We all lead busy lives and want more time, fun, love and laughter in it. Unfortunately these require effort and most of us want a quick fix, instant connection and happiness. There are some cheats and short cuts and I am excited and eager […]
WHAT YOU MISSED ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA IN JANUARY 2019?
I realised that many people do not have time, patience or the energy to bother reading my daily inspirations, motivations and more that I post on FaceBook, Instagram or Linkedin. So I am posting almost all January’s content in a blog version. Let me know if you enjoyed it, found it useful or any other feedback. I may not continue if its just duplication or annoying, you decide.
“Why do we want a happy ending? How about a happy existence? A happy process? We’re all in process constantly. _ Jennifer Aniston
Looking for a happy ending means always waiting and wanting. Mindfulness has taught me the beauty of the present moment. You need to do a lot of inner work to truly grasp that the happiness you seek lies in each moment as it is. I didn’t lose the weight I wanted in 2018, yet I am not unhappy. I did not run all the workshops as planned, yet I do not feel like a failure. I choose to be happy because I am alive, walking, talking and can see the beauty and wonder in nature. It’s enough to uplift any low spirits and transform any ordinary moment to an extraordinary one! All it requires is for you to choose happiness!
It’s taken me 2 years to do this… I’m doing this because I don’t want you to take 2 years to decide whether you want to change your unhealthy boundaries into healthy ones.
At the end of the day, the way you communicate and negotiate for you want, and prioritize your needs and emotions above others, only then will you truly be content.
So join me, as we journey into the world of creating safe and healthy boundaries for you.
What you will take away:
- What are personal boundaries and why have them?
- What are emotional boundaries?
- The different types of boundaries
- How to define and set your own boundaries
- How to let others know your boundaries
- How to draw, cross or move beyond the line
- Time for Q and A
Date: Saturday, 31 August 2019
Time: 2pm to 5pm
Venue: 77 Rosmead Ave, Kenilworth
Book your seat now by clicking here.
I look forward to meeting you there.
Why women like to have their boundaries crossed regularly – especially when it comes to the mother in-law.
I started my counselling career in 2012 and up to this day, I still see men and women alike who have their personal and emotional boundaries crossed regularly.
I want to relate the story of one such person, Somaya (not her real name).
Somaya came to see me for marriage counselling as she had an ongoing conflict with her husband over his mother.
Her mother-in-law lived on their property but in a separate house and behaved like everything which belonged to her son was also hers. Somaya was so frustrated and angry because she was a strong independent businesswoman who was assertive and had strong boundaries with everyone else except her husband and mother-in-law.
It was negatively impacting her self-esteem and parenting. She loved her husband and didn’t want to disrespect his mother, but she struggled with herself when her mother-in-law would enter their home without permission and would scratch around their house.
I gently pointed out to Somaya that her physical boundary was being violated. With counselling, she started to lock the kitchen door to indicate where her space began, and her mother in law’s ended.
We also tackled the construction of emotional boundaries as Somaya was constantly told she was oversensitive or difficult. She slowly realised she had deep empathy and generosity that was being exploited by some family members. She took care to set and enforce healthier boundaries and now realises these were people’s opinions of her and not her truth.
We can all relate to Somaya in some way or the other. For some of us, we struggle with setting our boundaries in our workplaces, some with our family and then there are others with our friends.
So why is boundary violation a common issue? Why do we NOT enforce or uphold our boundaries?
Most times, we:
- FEAR rejection and ultimately, abandonment.
- FEAR of confrontation.
Awareness is the first step in establishing and enforcing your boundaries. That’s why I decided to host a workshop that discusses boundaries more in-depth. We will also be looking at how to enforce healthy boundaries without fear and guilt.
To know more about this workshop, click here
Establishing healthy boundaries and enforcing them builds self-worth and confidence.
I want to help you on this journey so that you can live a happier life.
Last week Wednesday 7 August 2019, I had the absolute pleasure of being a guest on the Expresso Morning show on SABC3. We discussed Sibling Rivalry. There were many issues raised, questions asked and answered. Some examples include:
- Is it an unrealistic fantasy desire have siblings to always get along?
- How can a parents’ behaviour contribute to, and perpetuate sibling fights?
- How can parents decrease fights between siblings, and increase harmony in the household?
- Can parents unknowingly be the cause of sibling fighting sometimes?
- How can ongoing sibling fighting negatively impact family relationships?
Take a look to see what the answers were. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it or any questions if you have any.
Parenting Advice: Decreasing Sibling Fights in The Household https://youtu.be/Cvd9nRj_2zQ
LOVE YOUR CHILDREN INDIVIDUALISTICALLY, NOT COMPARATIVELY! – Shenaaz Moos
THE PATH TO HAPPINESS
by Shenaaz Moos
How do know when you are happy? Is happiness a destination? Can you be happy alone? The answers are easy, complex and confusing all at once. Happiness is unique and specific to each person and cannot be compared and defined. You do not arrive at happiness but choose it daily in a moment to moment basis. Happiness is also not dependant on any other people but is available to everyone whether you are in a relationship or not. Working on yourself, your inner demons, identifying your unmet needs of your inner child is how you attain the true authentic happiness.
THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE
By Shenaaz Moos
Why do we suffer? We refuse to accept and we refuse to submit. After attending a two day workshop called ‘Discover Yourself’ by Dr Sadath Khan this weekend, I understood why people (myself included) find certain people and situations challenging. You must aways come from a point of ‘how can I change, grow’ in order to improve the relationships around you. Sometimes you are kind, compassionate and caring to everyone except yourself or to someone who triggers you. Once you figure out that you are the trigger and not the person, you will be free.
What do I mean? The judgments, opinions and expectations of others is what triggers you, not any one thing or person on the outside. When you come from a place of nothing, you receive everything. The journey to the true self requires acceptance. Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognising a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it. Here are some ways to achieve this.
FACETS OF EGO
By Shenaaz Moos
I spent the last two years cocooned in a course with the very wise and conscious Dr Shefali Tsabary. During this time, so many light bulbs went on, so many wake up calls and nights of tears wrestling with my ‘false’ identity. On my journey to shedding these false layers, I penned a series of poems documenting the awakenings I experienced. These I realised were facets of my Ego. First it was Expectations, then Judgement, then the Need To Be Right, followed by the Need To Control and lastly Ego. This blog will expand on them.
Expectations of your spouse, children and loved ones are counterproductive
Expectations make you enter a situation with an idea of how it should go
Expectations not met, make you throw a tantrum about how unfair life is
Expectations block the purity of the present moment as its unfolding
Expectations, the need to be right and judgment are from the same book
Begin to enter each moment with a clear mind and no expectations
This will allow you to truly connect with the As-Is of life
This is where the magic happens and acceptance of the other begins
This is where your child already is and is just waiting for you to get there
Heart to heart connection occurs on an authentic level
Here is where they will feel truly loved and you will be fulfilled
5 SENSES OF AUTHENTICITY by Shenaaz Moos
I finally had a chance on Saturday 15 December 2018 to do the talk on Authenticity that I had been wanting to do for the longest while. The strangest thing was that when I first started promoting it, there was a luke warm response. When I said I was thinking about doing another workshop on “How not to give a F**k” everyone went crazy. What people didn’t realise was that this is exactly what Authenticity was. Choosing to live your life the way you want and in a way that serves your desires, while being true to who you are.
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are.”
It is a buzz word at the moment and everyone wants to be authentic, they say that they are but have not done the cleaning up of their inner landscape to get there. Their mind and thoughts are still plagued with what other people think of them, they are still trapped in the never ending cycle of people pleasing. They feel empty, unhappy, exhausted and miserable; this is not what authentic living feels like.
On my journey to Authenticity these are the senses I discovered are vital:
- A Sense Of Self
- A Sense Of Worth & Value
- A Sense Of Purpose
- A Sense Of Boundaries
- A Sense Of Humour
1. A Sense Of Self is knowing, liking, accepting and loving yourself.
This Sense is where it all begins, taking the journey inward to get to you know yourself again. You may be living a life that’s a lie, wearing your hair in a way that your husband likes, wearing clothes that your mother said flatter you and so much more. Deep down you hate both but can’t remember what you actually like. Why? From the earliest age of compression in your childhood, you wanted to please those around you for love and acceptance. So you chose things that made their face light up even if it was not what you liked or wanted. You have been doing it for so long that you forgot your own likes and dislikes. When you reconnect with your inner child, you will remember the colours, food and places that filled your heart and soul with joy. Go here, stay here, live here! A Sense Of Worth & Value is valuing yourself, your time, your energy, your love and knowing what you are deserving of.
2. A Sense Of Worth & Value is valuing yourself, your time, your energy, your love and knowing what you are deserving of.
The second Sense can only exist once your sense of self is in place. Why? In order to value yourself, you have to like yourself. To you know your worth as a person means you see yourself as someone who matters, who has something unique to offer the world. Your money, appearance and education do not determine your worth, only you do! You only think it does because of the superficial world we live in and the conditioning of society reinforces this everyday by putting physical beauty on a pedestal. Social media also plays a role by people sharing all that they achieve (some exaggerated) making you feel inadequate when you compare yourself. STOP! You are enough as you are! Anything you want to change or add must be for the right reasons, that it’s for your own growth, your own spiritual alignment. Never in comparison and never in competition, only for completion!
3. A Sense Of Purpose is living a life that has meaning and, living your passion while making a difference.
You can have all the money in the world, or have the highest paid job and still feel EMPTY. Why? You are living a life that may have no meaning, no purpose but to make money for money’s sake. This will lead you to buy more things you don’t need and desire more things in a never ending effort to fill the empty void inside yourself. Step off this ‘hamster wheel’ and choose a different path. Reconnecting with your true self aligns you with your purpose. Have the courage to follow where it leads and you will be blessed with absolute joy and abundance. Not of the financial kind, but the spiritual one! What bliss!
4. A Sense Of Boundaries is knowing what you will tolerate from others in terms of respect and keeping negative destructive people at a distance.
If you could draw a magical circle around yourself and include all your favourite things and people, would you? This is a boundary and it is absolutely necessary and usually absent in many people’s lives. Outside the circle are the people and things that drain your energy, exploit you and abuse your emotional support. I know it’s not this simplistic, but I want you all to understand the purpose of a boundary. Others won’t automatically respect your rights, give you credit or keep their negativity away. You have to demand it, for your sanity! Authentic people do this without guilt or remorse as we know what we lose when we allow our boundaries to drop. Start drawing your circle today!
5. A Sense Of Humour is what makes life fun, reminding you not to take yourself, others and life too seriously and most importantly to laugh often.
Too many people take themselves so seriously that they get stuck when they make a mistake, forget something, don’t win at something or are not the best. When was the last time you truly laughed with abandon? When was the last time you laughed at yourself? If you answered : never, too long ago or I can’t remember; then you have been missing out on the joy that life has to offer. Having this Sense helps you in ways you cannot imagine and so many people think a sense of humour is childish or for children. This is so far from the truth, children are in their authentic state and that is why it’s so natural and easy for them. We should watch them and learn how to have fun and live in the moment! Fear, stress and anxiety are often managed better or beaten with a good sense of humour. Go and find yours!
I hope when they left the workshop they gained more knowledge on how to stop people pleasing and not give a f**k! Here are some problems with people pleasing:
1) It’s impossible to please everyone.
2) You lose your sense of self .
3) Your worth is tied to pleasing others & fear rejection if you stop.
4) You say “Yes” when you really mean “No” & feel pressured by others.
5) Your needs come last, because you put everyone’s needs first.
6) You become resentful when your needs aren’t met, you deserve attention, love and respect too.
There are many ways to become authentic, I have shared my journey there with you. It does not mean it’s the path you will take to get there and no one can say when you will arrive. To be honest, there is no arriving, it has no time line but is a continuous journey. I cannot begin to describe the gifts you will receive along the way there, all I can say is that life will never be boring or monotonous. Living authentically frees up your day to have energy to do what you love with those you love. Your days are filled with joy and gratitude and you radiate light, love and positivity. This makes life bright, colourful and fun!