Family

WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE FRIENDS?…

I think that most of us have an unrealistic expectation or fantasy that our kids will just automatically be friends and we will all live happily ever after. Delusional LIES ….. Do you get along with all your siblings now as a grownup? Did you get along with them in childhood? If you are like me from a normal family – then your answer is NO!!!!

I think my struggle to accept my kids fighting may stem from my own unresolved sibling issues, I will get into that in another post. This post is inspired by the latest book I am reading by Dr Laura Markham called Calm Parents, Happy Siblings, I have had it for months but didn’t get around to reading it.

When I got to page 9, I made my first meme. See below and felt it needed to be a post.

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  Shenaaz Moos   Dec 14, 2016   Conscious Parenting, Emotionally Connecting, Family   0 Comment Read More

Why saying ‘I love you, but I don’t like you’ damages Self Esteem?

I have a book on my Kindle, ‘Liking the Child You Love’ by Jeffrey Bernstein I am dying to read as this topic is an important one to explain to parents when trying to help them bridge the canyon of disconnect between them and their child.

Parents often carelessly say that they love their child but don’t like them. This is extremely hurtful and gut wrenching for a child to hear. Love is not a tangible, measurable entity but like or dislike is often something easily detected. Saying ‘I love you!’ often, but it is evident that you don’t like your child will cause them to feel unloved.

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  Shenaaz Moos   Nov 27, 2016   Conscious Parenting, Family   0 Comment Read More

The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Once I discovered that perfectionism was the root of a lot of my anger I did what I always do I found a book on how to help me deal with. The book that I came across was ‘The Gift of Imperfection’ by Brene Brown and I thought WOW that sounds like an awesome book so I downloaded the audiobook and haven’t looked back since. I finished it months ago but never got around to writing the review. There were so many elements that truly touched my soul, made me begin to understand the root of my Perfectionism. The irony is that my own remnants as a recovering Perfectionist stopped me from sitting down and sharing this amazing book with you. So I decided to share my own insights combined with others who reviewed the book.

Brene’s key idea is Wholehearted Living which is knowing that you are enough as you are, not when you lose weight or get your degree but now in the present moment. So many of us are putting off loving ourselves because of our to do list, which is never ending. Brene is a researcher and when she interviewed people who lived Wholeheartedly she found they did something unique, DIG Deep: (more…)

  Shenaaz Moos   Nov 05, 2016   Book Reviews, Family, Whole Hearted Living   0 Comment Read More

Why all the Drama? 

I was listening to a friend who has recently gone through a divorce expound on how her ex once again failed to step up and take responsibility. It reminded me of the Transactional Analysis Drama Triangle, which is tied to dysfunctional family relationships (a few posts back). We all choose a script in life on how we will behave if it gets us what we want. In this father’s case he only knew the victim role, she was the one rescuing him. As a parent, you cannot stay the victim all the time because who will play the rescuer for your child.
Read on to identify and understand your role in your own drama triangle. 

The Drama Triangle
by Steve Karpman with Comments by Patty E. Fleener M.S.W.
Purpose: To promote the life script.
The roles of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim are portrayed in psychological games.
Serves as a training ground for powerlessness.

Prevents psychological equality in relationships.
Will go on as long as someone is willing to be victimized.

Think if you will about a triangle. On each end are roles that we play in life. One is the persecutor, another is the victim and the last is the rescuer.

**If anyone in this triangle changes roles, the other two roles change as well.
1) PERSECUTOR – “It’s All Your Fault”

– Sets strict limits unnecessarily.
– Blames

– Criticizes

– Keeps Victim oppressed

– Is mobilized by anger

– Rigid, authoritative stance

– “Critical” Parent

TO GET OFF THIS TRIANGLE, MOVE TO CLEAR STRUCTURE

2) VICTIM – “Poor Me”

– Feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed
– Looks for a Rescuer that will perpetuate their negative feelings.

– If stays in Victim position, will block self from making decisions, solving problems, pleasure and self-understanding.

– “Dejected” stance.

TO GET OFF THIS TRIANGLE, MOVE TO PROBLEM SOLVING

3) RESCUER – “Let Me Help You”

– Rescues when really doesn’t want to.
– Feels guilty if doesn’t rescue.

– Keeps victim dependent.

– Gives permission to fail.

– Expects to fail in rescue attempts.

– “Marshmallow” Parent

TO GET OFF THIS TRIANGLE, MOVE TO CLEAR NURTURING

SOURCE: SCRIPTS PEOPLE LIVE BY by Claude Steiner

BORN TO WIN by Muriel James

TAJ, Script Drama Analysis

  Shenaaz Moos   Oct 18, 2016   Family   0 Comment Read More