Facets of Ego

By Shenaaz Moos

I spent the last two years cocooned in a course with the very wise and conscious Dr Shefali Tsabary. During this time, so many light bulbs went on, so many wake up calls and nights of tears wrestling with my ‘false’ identity. On my journey to shedding these false layers, I penned a series of poems documenting the awakenings I experienced. These I realised were facets of my Ego. First it was Expectations, then Judgement, then the Need To Be Right, followed by the Need To Control and lastly Ego. This blog will expand on them.


Expectations of your spouse, children and loved ones are counterproductive
Expectations make you enter a situation with an idea of how it should go
Expectations not met, make you throw a tantrum about how unfair life is
Expectations block the purity of the present moment as its unfolding
Expectations, the need to be right and judgment are from the same book
Begin to enter each moment with a clear mind and no expectations
This will allow you to truly connect with the As-Is of life
This is where the magic happens and acceptance of the other begins
This is where your child already is and is just waiting for you to get there
Heart to heart connection occurs on an authentic level
Here is where they will feel truly loved and you will be fulfilled

One thing that blocks true acceptance and ultimate connection are Expectations, especially when they are unrealistic and unreasonable. They can be of yourself or someone else like your child, spouse, family or friends. Don’t hold the bar so high that they keep jumping, get frustrated and exhausted and just give up. This helps no one, and is Energy wasted. Enter a situation with neutrality and see what happens!


Judgement stops you feeling Empathy for another
Judgment makes you believe you are Better than another
Judgment closes your heart and blocks Connection to another
Judgment blocks Consciousness
Judgment invites Separateness
Judgment is Not Helping you
Judgment is something only you can Stop
Judgment is something that you Chose
Stop blaming another person for Choices

I wrote this one year ago when I realised that I was still struggling with the judgmental aspect of my personality. Keeping my awareness on it has helped me move swiftly out of judgement to acceptance of the as-is or to empathy. When you feel justified and self righteous for taking an action or responding in a certain way, deconstruct the situation and you will find a judgment sitting underneath. When you do this moment after moment, your Awareness of your self increases and your climb to Consciousness begins!


When you believe you are right, it narrows your Perspective
When you believe you are right, you enter a situation with Arrogance
When you believe you are right, you lack Empathy for the person who you think is wrong
When you believe you are right, you behave in a cruel, callous manner
What’s the point of being right, when your Arrogance and horrific behaviour chased everyone away
Was being right worth it?

Continuously working on your Ego brings you to greater self understanding and growth. I feel I am completely light years away from that someone who was very Judgemental & full of Expectations. I am not free of them, just more aware and with this awareness I am gifted with mindfulness to watch myself when these monsters rear their head. I can quickly identify when it happens and consciously choose how to respond or not to respond. It’s when the Mind opens to our shortcomings that the Heart opens to heal and transcend. Awareness is what keeps me from the need to be always right, as it’s an alienator, the same way Judgment is.

When the Mind Opens


The need to control others stems from your Fears
The need to control is rooted in your Powerlessness
The need to control cannot ensure a successful Outcome
The need to control becomes a Barrier between you and Another
The need to control sends a message that you are Better
Letting go of the need to control is how you embrace the NOW
The NOW is where Authenticity and Consciousness live
Where do you want to live?

You never met a more control orientated person than I was. What it also made me was the most unpleasant and unhappy person as well. Letting go in small ways over the years has allowed me to let go in bigger and more life altering ways. I live in the NOW and embrace every moment not with ‘what if’, ‘should of’ or ‘could of’ but by WHAT IS! It’s a freedom beyond words and my wish for all is that you come to know it too!


Ego is there to protect us from pain
Ego helps us feel worthy again
Ego is not I am better than you
Ego is related to all you have been through
Ego says, hide behind me and it will be safe
Ego lies and leads you to become fake
Now you can’t remember who to be
The only option is the journey to Authenticity

As children, we develop the Ego or False Self to protect us and help us receive love in the conditional context of becoming whoever the adults we love want us to be. Now in adulthood, we flounder uncomfortably with not knowing or liking ourselves. The Ego or ‘I’ is why we cannot see the point, need or perspective of another. It rests on its limbs of Expectations, Judgement, the Need to be Right and the Need to Control. You can reach your Authentic Self, Your True Self by peeling back the false layers you have created!

I hope you have come to understand the facets of ego, where it came from and the ways it impacts and impedes your life. Once you gain awareness, you have won half the battle as you have woken up! Now the adventure begins, rise to the challenge by meeting your highest self and living your best life!

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