WHY DO I NEED SELF CARE?
By Shenaaz Moos
Last month, I went to the hairdresser the day before Eid as a treat to myself. As I was paying, I said to the receptionist that I will be adding this to my self-care routine and she looked puzzled and asked “What’s that?” So I proceeded to explain that : Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. (Psychcentral) She inspired me to post the self care principles listed below as I realised so many people out there may not what self-care is and why they need it .
1. Pour love, kindness, acceptance and compassion into YOUR cup first!
As women and mothers we are usually the givers, the nurturers of the family, workplace, community. What we fail to comprehend is that our energy is not an endless resource. We give to others even when we have nothing left, leaving us in negative energy. This is why we are exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry and so much more. We need to change this by pouring into our own cup first! Restore your energies by taking a step back and giving yourself the same care you give others, treat yourself with compassion and kindness. Accepting yourself is loving yourself! You deserve your own love more than anyone else!
2. Make time for yourself a PRIORITY, it’s not an indulgence!
Being a mom at home or a working mom stills means you never do things just for yourself. I started my self-care many years ago with a movie day and a massage once a month. I made it a priority and budgeted for it, by spending less money on my kids and finally on myself. No one gave me permission or extra time or money, I knew I had to honour myself. Now in addition to the above, I take myself for lunch (alone), buy me something nice and will be adding a hairdresser treat from next month. You have to make time for yourself in order to have the energy to take care of those you love!
3. Say NO when you want to, but also say YES when you want to without an explanation or guilt!
So many times we get drawn into a situation where we are being exploited or used. The only way to avoid this is to have the strength of will and courage to consciously choose what we want to consent to or what we want to decline. This is hard for most of us because we want to liked, to be popular and to be accepted. The people who you are doing things for probably don’t value or appreciate your efforts, to them it’s just making their lives easier. So stop feeling guilty when you want to say NO to them or explain when you say YES to something that serves you!
4. Give your inner critic a permanent holiday and become president of your OWN FAN CLUB!
We all have voices in our head and more often they are telling us that we are not worthy, not attractive, not thin enough, not good enough! We listen to it and make poor decisions and life choices as a result. It is possible to change this voice with a lot of going inward, introspection and self growth. Soon this voice will become as supportive and loving as a best friend. It cannot happen on its own, so do the INNER WORK!
5. Give up the need to CONTROL and SOLVE other people’s problems.
The biggest challenge for me was not to rescue others, to not fix their problems as it’s their growth to experience. I now understand that this is how energy gets depleted. You will have no strength to resolve your own issues if you keep wasting it on other people’s drama. You can hold empathic space that they see challenges through, this is how to support them best!
So as I conclude, I am hoping you have realised why you are so overwhelmed, exhausted, angry and just want to run away from your life, your kids, your job and the rest. It is because you have been trying to pour from an empty cup and you are just getting nowhere. Make a commitment today, that from now on you will be putting effort into your physical, emotional and mental well-being, whether it’s a walk in the park, reading a book, going out with friends, whatever used to bring you joy that you have become too busy to do.