YOU ARE NOT ME!!!
BY Shenaaz Moos
YOU ARE NOT ME!!!
Anyone with a child about to finish school knows the panic and distress that we feel thinking our children will not be accepted into tertiary institutions. I have a 17 year old son in Grade 11 and he is about to embark on his final year of schooling next year. This panic took me right back to my own Matric year, my dismal results and how I just made it into university.
When I came across this while reading Dr Shefali’s book ‘The Awakened Family’, only then did it click that my anxiety about his success had everything to with me and nothing with him. I had been projecting my past failure onto his future potential success casting a gigantic shadow over the delicate subject of Matric and his post school future. So, I sat with this for few days and when my hubby and went on date night, I shared my realisation or recent awakening with him. A few days later, we were out just the three of us, a rare moment for my firstborn son to have his parents all to himself so I used the opportunity wisely.
At lunch I apologised to him and proceeded to explain why I had been freaking out and that is was all about me and that his future was all his to create, mistakes and all. He didn’t say much but looked happy and relaxed which is not a common occurrence. A few days later he motivated to move his Physics lessons to a day before his test to help him prepare. This was a shocker to his usual moaning and complaining about ‘WHY’ he had to go. He also changed his lesson to the morning on Women’s Day instead of the afternoon so he could have the day free.
What am I saying?
- Compassion works better than Coercion and creates Cooperation from your child.
- Listening is more effective than Lecturing and facilitates them listening to you.
- Apologising often makes Parents more Human and teaches your child to embrace Imperfection.
- The child is his Own Person and not your Robot to Control and input your choices into.
I am still growing on my Conscious Parenting journey and I HOPE this inspired you to continue on yours or begin one if you have not. Its never too late to start!