YOU ARE NOT ME!!!

  Shenaaz Moos   Aug 22, 2016   Conscious Parenting   3 Comments

YOU ARE NOT ME!!!

BY Shenaaz Moos

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YOU ARE NOT ME!!!

Anyone with a child about to finish school knows the panic and distress that we feel thinking our children will not be accepted into tertiary institutions. I have a 17 year old son in Grade 11 and he is about to embark on his final year of schooling next year. This panic took me right back to my own Matric year, my dismal results and how I just made it into university.

When I came across this while reading  Dr Shefali’s book  ‘The Awakened Family’, only then did it click that my anxiety about his success had everything to with me and nothing with him. I had been projecting my past failure onto his future potential success casting a gigantic shadow over the delicate subject of Matric and his post school  future. So, I sat with this for few days and when my hubby and went on date night, I shared my realisation or recent awakening with him. A few days later, we were out just the three of us, a rare moment for my firstborn son to have his parents all to himself so I used the opportunity wisely.

At lunch I apologised to him and proceeded to explain why I had been freaking out and that is was all about me and that his future was all his to create, mistakes and all. He didn’t say much but looked happy and relaxed which is not a common occurrence. A few days later he motivated to move his Physics lessons to a day before his test to help him prepare. This was a shocker to his usual moaning and complaining about ‘WHY’ he had to go. He also changed his lesson to the morning on Women’s Day instead of the afternoon so he could have the day free.

What am I saying?

  • Compassion works better than Coercion and creates Cooperation from your child.
  • Listening is more effective than Lecturing and facilitates them listening to you.
  • Apologising often makes Parents more Human and teaches your child to embrace Imperfection.
  • The child is his Own Person and not your Robot to Control and input your choices into.

I am still growing on my Conscious Parenting journey and I HOPE this inspired you to continue on yours or begin one if you have not. Its never too late to start!

 

3 Comments

  1. Anique Coetzee Says: August 22, 2016 8:27 pm Reply

    Great moment, thank you for sharing.
    Lately I’ve been driven to madness with my own inner turmoil, praying like mad that my teenager doesn’t walk the same road I did at her age. Asking for guidance and assistance for her when actually I was just projecting my past and fears onto.
    I took a moment to reflect and also came to the realization, hold up SHE AINT ME. She’s had a better start at life, she’s 10 steps ahead and has a mother whose honest with her and loves her out loud. She isn’t looking for love anywhere she is LOVED-UP.
    #Breathe #Namaste

    • Shenaaz Moos Says: August 23, 2016 7:35 am Reply

      My pleasure and thank you for your comment Anique

    • Naa'ilah Says: January 4, 2017 2:35 pm Reply

      hi Anique, I hear you sadly my daughter did exactly what I did, sure the reasons were completely different but I also prayed for her protection and guidance, didnt happen. For a while I gave up on trying do the right thing, praying and so on. I blame myself and spouse for our childrens failure, cant stop often her I shouldnt but most days you hear that if you not a good role model your kids will not turn out well. I love reading these post, gives me some relieve, i now pray for money so that I can go out and seek the help I need to be a better person. Sadly when I think of my childhood I dont remember much just all the wrong things I did which then puts me back in that over protective mode.

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